"Eugene's Final Stand" transcript
Scene 1: The PS 118 School Playground Shouting And Laughing Uncontrollably The scene cuts to Mr. Simmon’s 4th grade classroom. Gulps Nervously In Fear Leroy walks around in there and finds his Monkey-Man ''pencil box. Leroy: “My ''Monkey-Man pencil box, I couldn’t leave without this 1.” Stomping Sounds Leroy: “Oh no, not again!” Leroy runs round the PS 118 School hallways in fear. Wolfgang: Off Screen “Gibson!” Leroy: Fear “W-Wolfgang?!?” Wolfgang shows up in the PS 118 School hallways. Wolfgang: “Where do you think you’re going, Gibson?!?” Leroy: Fear “I’m……I’m……I’m getting outta here!” Leroy runs around outta the PS 118 School building in fear. Screaming In Fear Wolfgang: “Get back here, you pathetic little dork!” 118 Students Gasp In Shock Arnold: “Run away for your entire life, Leroy, run away for your entire life!” Helga: “Keep running, Leroy, keep running!” Mr. Gibson: “Run away for your entire life, Leroy!” Leroy: Fear “Dad, Dad, begin the motor!” Leroy gets into the red moving van. Leroy: “Step on it, Dad!” Wolfgang: “Get back here, Joker!” Leroy: “So long, Wolfgang, I’m moving far away and nobody knows where I’m going!” Laughing Uncontrollably Leroy: “I’m free at last, free at last!” Wolfgang: “Noooooooooooooooooooooo!” Arnold: “Well, you guys, there goes Leroy.” Helga: “Crimeny, he put up with being Wolfgang’s punching bag for an entire year, that’s gotta be a world record.” Harold: "Yesterday, Wolfgang and Edmund gave me and Sid atomic wedgies while out of school." Sid: "Yeah, I know." Gerald: “Yeah right, but you know exactly what that means……” Phoebe: “Wolfgang will be looking for a new victim!” Arnold: “Let’s all scatter!” Arnold, Gerald and the rest of the PS 118 students scatter in fear and hide in their hiding places. Wolfgang: “Come outta here, you little scaredy-cats!” Wolfgang: “Isn’t 1 of you little maniacs brave enough to stand up to me?!? even 1 of you dorks?!?” Flushing Eugene walks around outta the men’s restroom. Eugene: “Hey, where’d everybody go?” Wolfgang: “Hey, you!” Eugene: “Me?” Wolfgang: “What’s your name, Kid?” Eugene: Fear “Eugene Horowitz, tough dude.” Wolfgang: “I don’t like you, Horowitz.” Eugene: “Well, Wolfgang, I bet you would if you got to know me better.” Wolfgang grabs Eugene by his shoulders. Eugene: “Whoa!” Screams High Pitched Eugene: “A lot of kids like me, well, maybe not a lot of them, but some of them like me.” Wolfgang takes Eugene over to the trash can and opens the trash can lid. Eugene: Fear “No, please, Wolfgang, don’t do this to me, I’m a real nice dude.” Wolfgang: “Oh, I’m not a nice dude, Horowitz, I’m not a nice dude and I don’t like you, which means from now on, whenever I see your pale pasty face, I’m sticking to where it belongs (Wolfgang stuffs Eugene into the empty trash can) right in here.” Wolfgang puts the trash can lid back on the empty trash can. Wolfgang: “Any questions, Horrowitz?” Eugene: Empty Trash Can “Uh, not right now, Wolfgang.” Wolfgang: “Good, see you tomorrow afternoon, Trash Dude.” Laughing Sinisterly Arnold, Gerald, Helga, Phoebe, Rhonda, Sheena, Lila, Harold, Sid, Stinky, Curly and Brainy arrive. Arnold: “Eugene, are you alright?” Eugene: “I think so, Arnold.” Helga: “Crimeny, that Wolfgang is such a dork!” Gerald: “Yeah right, somebody oughta teach him a lesson!” Arnold, Helga, Phoebe, Rhonda, Sheena, Lila, Harold, Sid, Stinky, Curly and Brainy stare at Gerald. Gerald: “Oh, not me, but somebody.” Eugene: “Oh, this is terrible, you guys, from now on, I’m gonna be picked on by the biggest meanest 6th grader on the PS 118 school playground, it’s all because I went to the men’s restroom at the wrong time.” Arnold: “Look, Eugene, I say Wolfgang doesn’t pick on other kids when they’re with their close friends.” Phoebe: “Arnold’s right, there’s a lot of safety in #s.” Stinky: “Willikers, Eugene, on account of if we stay close to you, you should be alright.” Eugene: “Well, yeah right, Stinky, but how close can you stick together forever?” Meanwhile……… 118 School Bell Ringing Flushing Again Eugene: “Hey look, I found a dolphin head quarter.” Eugene: “Hey, wait 1 single minute, there’s no such thing as a dolphin head quarter.” Wolfgang’s right hand grabs Eugene’s right shoulder. Eugene: Fear “Uh oh, here we go again.” Wolfgang: “Hey, Horrowitz, do you know what time it is? Eugene: Fear “Uh, 2:39?” Wolfgang: “No, Horrowitz, empty trash can time.” Wolfgang puts Eugene into another empty trash can. Gerald: “Eugene, are you alright, man?” Eugene hangs his head down in fear. Arnold: “Look, Eugene, you gotta stick with all of us.” Eugene: “Oh, it’s no use, Arnold, I can’t stick around with you guys every single minute in my entire life, I’m doomed, doomed.” Helga: “Oh yeah?!? well I say you cream the dork!” Sid: “Yeah right, Eugene couldn’t cream corn.” Harold: “Well, Eugene, you can always tell a teacher or a principal.” Rhonda: “Yeah right, in the hands of a mature grownup, the entire situation can be resolved with complete desgression indelgicy.” Meanwhile with Principal Wartz, Wolfgang, Eugene and Peapod Kid…… Principal Wartz: “Wolfgang, what do you think you’re doing?!?” Wolfgang: “Nothing, Principal Wartz.” Principal Wartz: “Yeah right, but let me tell you something, young man, if I ever catch you bothering this kid or any other kid on the PS 118 School playground, I’ll haul your behind down to my office faster than you can say detention, you got it?!?” Wolfgang: “Yes, Principal Wartz, I got it.” Principal Wartz: “Good point.” Principal Wartz leaves to go back in his office. Wolfgang tosses Eugene back into the empty trash can. Wolfgang: “And if you ever tell a teacher or school principal on me again, I’ll pound on you so hard, your clothes will hurt.” Arnold, Gerald, Helga, Phoebe, Rhonda, Sheena, Lila, Harold, Sid, Stinky, Curly and Brainy arrive and get Eugene outta the empty trash can. Scene 2: Mr. Simmon's 5th grade classroom 118 School Bell Ringing Again 5th Graders Cheering In Unison Arnold: “Aren’t you coming, Eugene?” Eugene: “I’ll catch up with you guys later, I got a reline in the goldfish bowl.” Gerald: “Eugene, it’s alright to be terrified of Wolfgang, heck yeah, we’re all terrified of him.” Eugene: “Yeah right, but he’s not picking on you guys, he’s picking on me and if I go out there, it’s gonna be empty trash can time.” Arnold: “Unless of course you went out there, but Wolfgang couldn’t possibly see you.” Eugene: “Uh, what do you mean by that, Arnold?” Scene 3: Back outside the PS 118 School playground Wolfgang: “Where’s that pathetic little dork?” Robotic Voice: “Nadine, Peapod Kid, Iggy, little elderly man playing tether ball.” Wolfgang: “Little elderly man playing tether ball.” Wolfgang walks around over to Eugene who is disguised as a little elderly man playing tether ball. Eugene/Little Elderly Man: “Oh, uh, don’t mind me, I’m just a little elderly man, a little elderly man who plays tether ball.” Wolfgang tosses Eugene/the little elderly man into the empty trash can 1ce again. Eugene/Little Elderly Man: “Uh, a little bit of help here?” Meanwhile again…… Eugene: “Maybe I can get some plastic surgery or see if my Dad can get transferred here again, I wonder if Wolfgang could find me a bank off.” Helga: “Oh for gosh darn sakes, Eugene, I was telling you all along, there’s only 1 way to deal with a school bully, Eugene, fight back!” Eugene: Fear “Fight back? but, Helga, it’ll destroy me.” Helga: “Well, maybe he will and maybe he won’t, but let me tell you something, Eugene, the only reason Wolfgang’s picking on you is just because you’re terrified, animals like Wolfgang can smell fear and they feed on it, I say fight back!” Curly: “No, Eugene, don’t do it, violence is not the answer, it’s never the answer, violence would only get more violent!” Helga: “Don’t listen to him, Eugene, fight the big tough idiot!” Curly: “No, be peaceful!” Helga: “Fight back!” Curly: “Be peaceful!” Helga: “Fight back!” Curly: “BE PEACEFUL!!!” Eugene: “STOP!!!” Eugene: “I appreciate what you guys are trying to say, but this is something I gotta figure out for myself.” Eugene walks away from the jungle gym. Scene 4: The Horrowitz’s apartment Thinking: Voice “Fight back, fight back.” Thinking: Voice “Be peaceful, be peaceful, be peaceful.” Eugene’s Laser-Dude action figure’s head transforms into Wolfgang’s head. Wolfgang: “I don’t like you, Horrowtiz and I’ll pick on you from now on.” The head of Eugene’s toy supersonic jet plane transforms into Wolfgang’s head too. Wolfgang: “From now on.” Eugene’s pet garter snake’s head transforms into Wolfgang’s head as well. Wolfgang: “From now on!” Eugene: In Fear AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Eugene runs away in fear. On Door Mr. Horowitz: “Come in, Eugene.” Eugene enters Mr. Horowitz’s work room. Eugene: “Uh, Dad?” Mr. Horowitz: “Yes, Eugene?” Eugene: “Can I ask you 1 single question?” Mr. Horowitz: “Of course, Eugene.” Eugene: “Uh, well, see, there’s this little country that hasn’t done anything to anybody and then there’s this big country and it begins picking on it for no reason, what should that little country do? fight or run away and never go to school again? I mean, go to the U.S army.” Mr. Horowitz: “Eugene, let me tell you a little story called World War I.” Mr. Horowitz: (telling the story) You see, 1ce upon a time, there was a big country called Germany who liked to pick on little countries like Poland and Luckhsinberg and none of the other big countries would do anything to stop it, then 1 day Germany attacked the weak little country called Belgium, but little Belgium stood up to big Germany and fought, all the other big countries couldn’t believe this. Gasps in Amazement Eugene: “Wow, awesome.” Mr. Horowitz: “You see, Eugene, just because a country’s out #d, or out gunned doesn’t mean they don’t got a chance, they went back down to the battle of the bulge?” Eugene: “Uh, no?” Mr. Horowitz: “You bet they did, Eugene, we don’t back down to bullying, if we did, they would walk all over us, battles may have lost the road to victory, Eugene, but we always keep fighting ‘til we won the battle.” Eugene: “Wow, Dad, thanks.” Eugene: “Wow, who would’ve thought about little Belgium winning over big Germany?” Mr. Horowitz: “Winning? Chuckles they got the stuffing kicked outta them.” The door closes on Eugene. Scene 5: Back on the PS 118 School playground 1ce again 118 School Bell Ringing PS 118 Students Cheering Wildly Helga: “I can’t believe Eugene didn’t show up for school today.” Gerald: “That poor dude, he’s probably half way to New Jersey by now.” Arnold: “Hey, you guys, look over there!” Eugene walks around over to Arnold, Helga, Phoebe, Rhonda, Sheena, Lila, Harold, Sid, Stinky, Curly and Brainy. Arnold: “Eugene, are you alright?” Sid: “Where are you going?” Eugene: “I’m going to the tether ball court.” Sheena: “But, Eugene, Wolfgang’s over there, he’ll squish you like an insect.” Eugene: “Well, Sheena, maybe he will and maybe he won’t, but I’m Belgium and Belgium wants to play tether ball. The scene cuts to Wolfgang who is punching a red tether ball. Tether Ball Explodes Laughing Sinisterly Eugene walks around bravely over to Wolfgang. Wolfgang: “Horowitz, I thought you were staying home today, what is it? empty trash can time already?” Eugene: “Sorry, Wolfgang, but there’s not gonna be an empty trash can time, not today, not ever, from now on, you’re leaving me alone!” Wolfgang: “What the heck?” Eugene: “You heard me, Wolfgang, you can’t pick on me anymore, it’s over!” PS 118 Students Gasp In Shock Wolfgang: “You mean you’re actually standing up to me? nobody’s ever had the guts to stand up to me before.” Eugene: “Does that mean you’re not gonna pick on me anymore?” Wolfgang: “No, Horowitz, it means nobody’s ever stood up to me before, now stand still so I can pound the living day lights outta you.” Eugene: “Wait 1 single minute.” Eugene gets out his blue punching gloves Eugene: “Alright, Wolfgang, let’s go!” Wolfgang: Cry AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Eugene: “Ow, ouch, yow!” 11 PS 118 Students Gasp In Shock Eugene: “Whoa!” Eugene lands right in front of Arnold and Gerald. Eugene: “I’m okay.” Arnold: “Alright, Eugene, you proved your point, just fall back.” Helga: “Yeah right, I was wrong, just take the fall back, will you?” Eugene: “No way, Helga, you see, I figured it out, the worse he can do is beat me up, after he’s done that, there’s nothing to be terrified of anymore.” Eugene goes over to fight against Wolfgang again. Eugene: “Ow, ouch, yow!” Nadine: “That’s the bravest thing I ever saw in my entire life.” Eugene: “Ow, ouch, yow, whoa!” Wolfgang: “Say ‘Goodnight’, Horowitz, it’s beddy bye time.” Arnold puts a stop to it. Arnold: “That’s quite enough, Wolfgang, I’m stopping this right now!” Wolfgang: “Oh yeah, Shortman? you and what army?” Helga: “This army, Wolfgang!” Wolfgang: “Ha, don’t make me laugh, I’ll pound the living daylights outta all of you!” Phoebe: “Then you need to pound on all of us too!” Nadine: “And all of us too!” Harold: “And all of us!” Stinky: “And all of us!” Sid: “And all of us!” Gerald: “And all of us!” All PS 118 students: “And all of us!” Wolfgang: “Oh yeah? well, I’ll just…I’ll just……oh, forget about it, this is pathetic!” [All PS 118 Students Cheering Wildly In Unison Arnold: “You did it, Eugene, you stood up to Wolfgang!” Eugene: “I did?” Phoebe: “You most certainly did, and now the battle is over.” Helga: “For everybody!” Gerald: “Eugene, how’s it feelin’, man?” Eugene: “Great, Gerald, (Gerald touches Eugene) ow, for the most part.” PS 118 Students Cheering Wildly In Unison Again All PS 118 students: “Eugene, Eugene, Eugene, Eugene, Eugene!” The Horowitz’s red sports car pulls up the drive way. Mrs. Horowitz: “You told him what?!?” Mr. Horowitz: “Well, I just thought, well, it was a history discussion, you know……” Eugene walks around over to Mr. and Mrs. Horowitz. Mrs. Horowitz: “Eugene, are you injured, dear?” Eugene: “Not bad, Mom, I’m sure I’ll be able to see through my right eye by tomorrow morning, but I guess I lost the battle, Dad.” Mr. Horowitz: “Well, Eugene, it looks like you won the battle, come on, we’ll buy Belgium an ice cream treat.” PS 118 Students Cheering Wildly In Unison 1ce Again Fade to a black screen………… Category:Season 6 Transcripts